On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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