y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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