Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
