I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
