Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
