I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
