He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
