You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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