I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
