I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
