apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
