Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize