I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
