I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
