You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
