Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
