I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
