ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
