She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize