what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
