True but thats because hes a fetus.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
