apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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