I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
time to smoke my breakfast
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
