a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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