Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
