and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
