I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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