I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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