this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
