my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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