White coat. Heels.
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
