Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
