I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
