So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
