I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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