so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We left the knife in your bed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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