Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
