I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
