I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
