You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
