I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
what day is it and did you see me today?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Help. Why am I so naked?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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