we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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