he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
