The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
