I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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