can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
