Moan for me like Helen Keller
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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