I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
