And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
