What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
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yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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