my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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