i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They have beer where we have blood.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
