Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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