You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
