he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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