I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
