24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize