I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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