Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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