Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize