I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
