her vagine was all disorganized.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
