Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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