if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
