toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
