the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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