I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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