dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
