Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
