I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
