Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
