I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
